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Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again