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In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
My body needs a refresh button.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?