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Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...