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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes