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If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.