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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.