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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.