Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
(Facebook Diamond encrusted Platinum Account required to view this status update)
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!