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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...