Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.