Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.