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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.