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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.