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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
They say when a man holds a womanβs hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
I`m introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Itβs fun to pull someoneβs legβ¦ but donβt ever pull their finger.
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
Iβm in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really donβt have Touretteβs
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.