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My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.