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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it β€œselective participation.”
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine`s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Long story short, I love summaries
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.