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I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?