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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
I just threw up my weekend.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.