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Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.