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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...