Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.