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Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I’ll be like, “oh no, that can’t be right.”
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.