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I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
This post is just for you.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.