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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!