Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
You had me at 0 mutual friends