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I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode