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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
Trust me, you want me medicated!!
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.