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Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Can I get likes for no reason?
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?