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I canโ€™t tell you how many times Iโ€™ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
Netflix doesnโ€™t care if u showered or not
You know whatโ€™s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
Thereโ€™s a thin line between โ€œI should do a status update about thatโ€ and โ€œI should talk to a therapist about thatโ€
My inner self is in Photoshop
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
โ€œGrandbrotherโ€ sounds much cooler than uncle.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
I feel like landlords who donโ€™t allow dogs but DO allow children donโ€™t know very much about children.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?