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I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.