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No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."