Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.