Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!