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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.