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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane Iām making has lace on it.
Iām not crazy just the voices are!
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.