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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
That`s not how I met your mother.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.