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They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.