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There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.