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Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!