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You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!