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In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...