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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.