Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist