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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"