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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
Iām bored enough to clean.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!