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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
Even if I’m mad at my wife I should be mature enough not to flush the toilet on purpose while she’s in the shower, but it turns out I’m not.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....