Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.