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Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.