Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
I hate when the remote is way over there
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."