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What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal