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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.