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It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.