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What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.