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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!