Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.