Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.