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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards