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I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."