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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver