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Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.