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Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.