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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!