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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets