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You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
I’m amazed by how quickly I forget what I’m doing.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.