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Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.