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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Home is where the pants aren`t.
ROFL!!ā¦.. LOL jk iām still in my chair.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.