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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
TEIAM - problem solved
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.