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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...