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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!