Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I`ve learned that I don`t need to use so many paper towels, and they`re expensive.
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."