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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
Unlike milk, it is perfectly ok to cry over spilled whiskey.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait