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I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.