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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.