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Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.