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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.