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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(