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My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
High fiving was the original "like".
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.