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The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.