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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
Doormats are a gateway rug.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?