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I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
sleep is for people without netflix
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!