Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"