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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.