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Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.